Who Am I When I’m Not Who I Was?

This is the question that we all ask as we age. This is the question that can defeat or challenge.

A senior recently spoke about his feelings a few months into retirement. He was surprised to find himself facing this dilemma after a long and successful career.

“In the world today everything is changing, moving fast. At 70, for the first time, I feel like the train is leaving the station and I am left standing on the platform. Do I stand there and let it go, or do I run to the next station to catch it? Do I even care? Should I still care?

“I watch as younger people with boundless energy attack life. I remember when we were expected to grow and master through experience until we became the ones that everyone looked to for advice. Young people today are used to a landscape where everything changes constantly and no one expects to master, just expects to be nimble and able to jump quickly to the newest, whether technology or style. Can I adapt to this? Do I still want to?”

As a Gerontologist, I believe that the answer lies in two directions: acceptance, the tough one, and new expectations, of myself and of the world. That world includes those young people who are running past me, as well as the world leaders who miss the mark so often.

If I constantly compare myself, my physical strength as well as my physical appearance, to a younger version, I will either be happy with my maintenance or miserable with my faults. Isn’t it time to relax and say good-enough and be grateful?

If I compare my current accomplishments to what I accomplished when the goal was power and income, I can either feel ‘less than’ or I can feel proud of the road to those goals as I fought the good fight. It is hard for the warrior to relax. It is hard to recognize that those goals were reached. Now, time to move on.

For those of us who are aging, the new horizons can be beautiful. There are opportunities for expanding our goals to include endeavors that encompass a love for others, for the environment, and for those less fortunate. We now have the time and we can work around, and within, our limitations.

We can have encore careers, either paid or volunteer. We can use our accumulated experience and wisdom to advise our government leaders. Our parents’ generation did not have the access or technology to accomplish what we can accomplish today.

The key is acceptance, of our personal strengths and limitations, followed by expectations, clearly defined from wisdom that can only be acquired by living long enough and enduring whatever life brings.

We have made mistakes and we have conquered. Our responsibility now is to welcome, celebrate. and sometimes console, those who are still running the race. We can encourage the excitement and passion of youth, balanced by the wisdom of our experience.

Who are we now when we’re not who we were? Hopefully, more relaxed and thoughtful versions of the best of our younger selves.