When constructing a jigsaw puzzle, each piece is important and must be played at the appropriate time and place. No piece can be substituted for another. If one tries to force the wrong piece into place, it will not work smoothly and the puzzle will not have coherence. The ultimate goal of an aging parent is to finish their life journey with a coherent and completed life. This includes a coherence of their family, each of whom is unique and important to that parent, regardless of their functioning ability. This is the parent’s legacy and becomes the jigsaw puzzle of the family.
The individual family members are like the pieces of the puzzle. Each is unique and has a unique place and purpose in the puzzle. Some pieces are larger. Their contributions are more prominent and obvious. Some are smaller or barely there at all. But without even those small pieces, the puzzle will not be complete.
The roles of each member of a care-giving family will vary. The roles of one, or some, will be large and visible and even exhausting. Others will be sporadic or even almost nonexistent. However, it is important that all roles, or pieces, are included in the completed puzzle.
Each person will need to respect the role of the others. There should be no judgement during this time of the aging parent’s journey. It will be important for the parent to see that all understand the strengths and limitations of each of person, and that each person’s role in the journey is respected and included. Even the person who cannot face or deal with this stage of life’s journey, and becomes almost nonexistent, must not disappear and leave a hole in the finished puzzle. This may require that the other members create a safe place of acceptance for that person who cannot participate.
When the parent’s life journey is complete, there may be bonds that have been strengthened, or there may be relationships that are left estranged. However, if all pieces have been included, without judgement and with an understanding that each has been living within their own strengths and weaknesses, the puzzle can be complete. This care-giving experience, then, becomes part of each person’s legacy as they live out their own life, as well as a modelling for their children of how to cherish and care for an aging parent.
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